Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
