Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
