he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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