he shaved USA in his pubs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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