Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sex in a hospital.. check
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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