I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
