No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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