im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am naked and annoyed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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