Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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