yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
