2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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