Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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