using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
