Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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