So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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