Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
