Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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