you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
