I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
