The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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