We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
