I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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