I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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