i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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