I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
