Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
