I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
