It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
