I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
