have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
