I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
