At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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