My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
