FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
