My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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