I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
