I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
