I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
