Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
420 ftw
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
