tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
