Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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