Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
