No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
