pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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