We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
