I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
