I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
