just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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