? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
