What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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