well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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