I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
