college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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