Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Vodka?
Forever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
