Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
