So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
