pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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