I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
