Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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