it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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