there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
