You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
