She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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