It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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