So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
