I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize