I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
