We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
